dog days

i.
we barred our teeth at each other and accepted the mouth of hate
teeth soaked in blood we didn’t mean to spill.
our bodies laid out neatly on a pretty plate,
i sink my mouth into the crook between your neck and shoulder
and bite so hard your life begins to choke me.
you would be grateful if only for the chance to be tasted

but
you’re a beat up black dog
your meat rots in my mouth

ii.
you returned the book i gave you with a document inside
a list of my treacherous deeds, a farewell, and a final plea,
“who’s going to be the one to remember me?”
you conjure a monster who would eat your fear like flesh and sigh contentedly.

i hate the way my teeth make you flinch when my lips part
so go ahead and snap your jaw closed around my heart

pardon my depravity for even happiness exhausts me

iii.
she asked, “if you killed me, will it make you good, will it make you holy?”
we shaved my head and you asked the 8-ball inside, which said:
what do you believe when no one is around
if your mother asked would you admit you like the way i sound
would you tell her i am the reason you turned around in the underground
was i everything you imagined i’d be
did the monster you conjured up in your head finally spill out of me?

iv.
he compared you to a blobfish
i thought you should know this
its not with malice that i share
i simply no longer care

you fail to surprise me
always picking men
whose prose and poetry
disguises their burdens

v.
you can tell me that you love me and i’ll play pretend
we can sit up all night in your bed shit talking my friends

devil darlin walk into my sunlight, i’m an
angel baby so strut on into my life
tell me all the things you hate about yourself
i’ll lie to your face and tell you— yes
your grace i love you, cause i’m an
angel baby and you’re a
devil, and darlin i can’t seem to love
you

they say all dogs go to heaven
but i know you’re going to drag me down to hell
remind me why i fell
show me all my sins
cast my sunlight halo all over your skin

cause you’re a devil darlin
i can see the horns sprouting from your head
but i never do any of the things i say i’m going to
so i wont tell you about what i’m thinking
all for the sake of loving you

vi.
she helped me pack the night before, i’d never flown before and was nervous as shit. i left my stuff all over my bedroom floor and she became my checklist. i took so long she ended up staying over and we played card games to pass the time. she always glancing at me and i always willfully ignoring her. she knew how to calm me, always there, always knowing what i needed before i needed it; endlessly loving. she was in love with me. i knew this because a year ago she confessed to me. she had written a poem and wrote it plain and neat for me. i burned it and tossed the ashes out my window. the next day i kissed her, not knowing it was her first.
how could i fathom the damage i had done? how could i have known how cruel i was to allow her to continue loving me? but it never mattered to me, i was the type who liked to kiss his friends.