canada

30 Nov, 2024

> i landed in Canada on the 6th of November, with my cat in tow, the poor baby. i was surprised at how well she did during the entire process, not much protest and she slept through most of the flying. however, i cannot imagine ever doing something to that affect ever again. i am exhausted of flying. i am glad this time i am staying here.

> since my arrival i have been getting a handle on my new schedule. i am unable to work so i am filling my days with studying and projects instead. i finished setting up the new version of my website (though i still have one or two pages to transfer over and many plans for the future of the site of course) and am excited to begin filling it with more content. i recently discovered nanowrimo, whos stance on AI i disagree with, and their concept of writing 50,000 words in the month of november intrigued me. i had been previously struggling to start my novel, finding myself stuck in a loop of rewriting outline after outline, unsatisfied with my work and crippled with self-doubt. this concept struck me as a great way to take a break from "my darling" (code for the novel i am anguishing over writing) and practice writing a first draft. i decided no matter how terrible i thought it was i would have to finish all 50,000 words. i began outlining at the beginning of this week and start my 30 days tomorow, i promise to be honest about how it goes

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> i am usually not one to bring up dreary topics if not through my art in some way, but i feel as if something compels me to talk about my dog Brontë. a human part of me that feels the need to save parts of loved ones in ashes, in fur, in pictures and words on websites, in the drawings i hang on my walls. Brontë crossed the rainbow bridge in the evening of November 17th. when it was time for her to go i was put on a call with my younger brother. through the shitty discord voice chat camera i watched as my family said goodbye. there are no words for what i felt.

> i like to imagine her on a lakefront somewhere up north, surrounded by familiar faces, in a place where she never has to worry about food. the grass should be full of frogs and crickets for her to chase. in this pocket of space made just for her there are only soft sounds of the water and the brushing wind. there is a cabin for when it gets cold at night. inside there are couches and chairs and dog toys scattered. her bed in front of the fireplace, the center of the room. this is the only room in the cabin of course, because she would want everyone to be together.

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> life moves much quicker now. i always have things to do, my list of projects is longer than the time i have to give. it is probably just a time management problem. while i have been attempting to organize my mind and find a new rythm between tasks, my friends have been dragging me out of the house to see how amazing their country is. honestly, minnesota pales in comparison to the scenery i now live in, but the new altitudes have completely warped my internal compass!

> i do not miss the floodwater plains of my home, but there is something very cyberpunk in how small i feel when i look out over the mountains towards the cities nestled there.

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じしˍ,)ノ... goodbye!